By Marc Campos

The Empire Speaks Back You Big Dummy

Tommy Thomas, the Harris County GOP Sheriff under siege, broke his silence and spoke to the Chron’s Matt Stiles yesterday. The interview is on the front page today. Check it out. I’m betting before the Sheriff agreed to the interview, he had his deputies stake out Matt Stiles’ pad for a few days.

You can just hear Fred Sanford yelling “you big dummy” which is directed at McCain campaign honcho Charlie Black for saying a terrorist act on U.S. soil would be a big advantage to the McCain campaign. Boy, he sure is stupid! Of course, if the bad guys take out only the blue states, then that’s another matter. I wonder how long Charlie Black-EYE will stick around.

Politico.com don’t know the Lone Star State! They are recommending that the Obama-Hillary Unity Tour go through San Antonio because that would help Obama with Latino voters. If politico.com was on the ball, they would recommend Obama-Hillary go to H-Town because we have the most Latino voters in the Lone Star State – period.

Guv Dude takes his macho act to CNN this afternoon on Wolf Blitzer’s program. Commentary will try to check it out to see how many macho bombs Dude releases.

What is the point in getting all riled about Imus’ piehole missiles and Pacman Jones? Huh!

On October 13, 1960, Pittsburgh Pirate second baseman Bill Mazeroski hit arguably the most famous dinger in baseball history against the New York Yankees in the bottom of the ninth to beat the Bronx Bombers 10-9 in Game Seven of the World Serious at Forbes Field. Commentary remembers hearing about it that day right after school was out and was bummed out. Nearly 48 years later, tonight the Yankees finally return to Pittsburgh (this time to PNC Park) for the first time after what many baseball historians consider the best World Serious ever. Mazeroski, now 71 years young, will get the honors this evening and throw out the first pitch. FYI – Mazeroski was the #8 batter in the Pirate lineup.

It is back to The Yard this evening for three versus the Rangers.

Commentary borrowed the following from Foxsports.com:

“Comedy great George Carlin died Sunday of heart failure at the age of 71. This is a reprint of his classic bit "The Difference Between Baseball and Football." Excerpted from Brain Droppings by George Carlin, Copyright 1997, Comedy Concepts Inc. Published by Hyperion. All rights reserved.

Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.

Also: in football, basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.

In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform, you'd know the reason for this custom.

Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.

I enjoy comparing baseball and football:

Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.

Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park. The baseball park!

Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.

Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.

Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

In football you wear a helmet.

In baseball you wear a cap.

Football is concerned with downs — what down is it?

Baseball is concerned with ups — who's up?

In football you receive a penalty.

In baseball you make an error.

In football the specialist comes in to kick.

In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.

Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.

Baseball has the sacrifice.

Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...

In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.

Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.

Football has the two minute warning.

Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end — might have extra innings.

Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.

In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.

In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.

And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:

In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.

In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! — I hope I'll be safe at home!

June 24, 2008 9:00AM

Daily Commentary