By Marc Campos

Spectacle, Dealing 'Stros, Homeland InSecurity

Lady Foghorn's effort has gone from campaign to spectacle - pure and simple. She's going to court so she can be listed as "Grandma" on the ballot for Texas Governor. Campaigns are supposed to be about ideas, not gimmicks. Foghorn has turned her ill-advised quest into a carney sideshow - step right up.

Commentary's Mom is a Grandma and a Great Grandma. Only her grand kids and great grand kids call her Grandma. I still call her Mom. And Foghorn's still Foghorn. What, in the highly unlikely nearly impossible event that she wins, are we supposed to call her Governor Grandma? Step right up.

Welcome to Houston, Mister Aubrey Huff!

Your stick is badly needed. Having another lefty in the starting line-up will definitely help out.

You must be pretty good, since the team with the best record in baseball, the Detroit Tigers, were going after your services.

We went to the World Series last year, so our expectations are high.

There are some of us that still think we can go back to the World Series this October. I think Astros GM Tim Purpura is to be congratulated for making a move. Now, show us your stuff.

Jason Lane and his meager .205 average were shipped to Round Rock yesterday. The Astros' right fielder just hasn't been productive at the plate. It didn't help that he tripped over his own feet on national TV Sunday night. Lane was the one that caught the final out of the game against the Cardinals last year that sent us to the World Series. Instead of traveling to Miami, Chicago, New York and San Diego over the next month, Lane will be going to New Orleans, Memphis, Omaha, Colorado Springs, and Salt Lake City.

Michael Chertoff, like Jason Lane, needs to have his ticket punched to Round Rock. Chertoff has proven he can't handle playing in the bigs.

Apparently on the list of Homeland Security's vulnerable sites: A Mule Day Parade, a petting zoo in Alabama, an ice cream parlor (protect the chocolate chip mint!), and Nix's Check Cashing. Not on the list: The Statue of Liberty, Times Square, the Empire State Building, and Foghorn's Spectacle.

July 13, 2006, 9:00AM

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