By Marc Campos

The April Fools

By Marc Campos

Today we disHONOR the current class of fools.

Randall Terry. The Operation Rescue nutjob slithered out of his snakehole and appointed himself head cheerleader of the Terri Schiavo reinsert the tube team. It's no wonder that a sizable majority of the American people supported removing the tube. Randy is a law violator not a public opinion persuader.

Jose Canseco. The Major League Baseball season opens this Sunday and don't look for 'Roidrat Jose to throw out the first pitch at any ballpark. The dude wrote a book, went on 60 Minutes, appeared before Congress, and looked pitifully inconsistent in the process. He made a few bucks but he is now a persona non grata in the world of sports. Odds are Singing Joe will show up on some buried network cable reality show dealing with contestants using 'roids and trying to avoid major _____ shrinkage.

Congress. Steroid hearings. Explanation not required. The Terri Schiavo Act. Said one of the most conservative judges on the Atlanta based 11th Circuit Court of Appeals about the White House and Congress - "have acted in a manner demonstrably at odds with our Founding Fathers' blueprint for the governance of a free people - our Constitution".

Michael Jackson. Wacko claims he is being persecuted like Nelson Mandela and Muhammad Ali. Mandela fought apartheid and Ali resisted the draft. Beat it fella.

The local taxpayer. The state auditor has just informed us that the Katy Freeway expansion cost has gone up by $300 million. Let's see, $300 million will get us how many miles of light rail?

Drivers. We're paying over $2 a gallon for gasoline and holding no one accountable. Those folks that take the bus or light rail look a whole lot smarter than the rest of us.

Burger King. Their introduction of the Enormous Omelet defies healthy eating logic. BK got well deserved bad PR on their heart attack causing breakfast starter. Here's one for our meddling Congress. Pass a law that requires fast food corporate execs to eat on a regular basis what they serve the public. Super size that.

The WMD fans, errr, fools. America's intelligence community failed us all. We went to war because of this. What do the WMD fools have to say today?

April 1, 2005, 9:00AM

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